Journey to Inner Space:

A Lover’s Dream

by Sihnuu Hetep

3 min read

One of the best guides to self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. - Bell Hooks

And if we don’t love ourselves will the dreams of love struggle to actualize?

This week we explore the Heart Chakra, our seat of love, kindness, compassion, and connection. This energy center serves as an internal bridge, representing the integration of spirit and mind with body and soul. After spending time at the Solar Plexus Chakra shamelessly defining self, we can now take time forging a relationship with our entirety.

Love, by definition, is a deep abiding liking for something. In our childhood, we see romantic images in fairytales. From birth and as we develop, we have the chance to experience storge, or familial love from our parents/caregivers, relatives, and dear friends. Yet the most crucial type of love, self-love, we often don't grasp until we are well into adulthood. I've felt an affinity for love in theory for most of my life while struggling with it in action. I spent most of my twenties with my mind full of fantasies around intimacy, yet there was a longing inside that my outer world did not fulfill. Even while surrounded by friends and family, I wanted more.

Becoming a mother opened my heart in ways I couldn't imagine. My children activated a devotion in me I never knew could exist. My love for them ran deep. I would go to the edge of the world to ensure that they were cared for on all levels. I felt love beyond words, and after experiencing child loss, I found that the void keeping me from occupying the fullness of love was my inability to sit with grief.

I remember the days that followed KhemRa's burial. On the outside, I was a pillar of strength and grace. My mind held things together for the sake of keeping Yazi and I afloat, but deep in my soul, I was losing it. In all the heartbreak I had experienced in my 24 years of life, nothing compared to this...

Sadness.

Even with all of the trauma I faced as a child, I never sat and accepted grief as a significant part of my journey. The intensity of loss didn't hit me until more trauma piled itself on as an adult. I moved as if things didn't matter. I dissociated myself. None of my pain existed.

I didn't exist fully.

Grief is the demon of the Heart Chakra. It can cause weakness at the heart; however, grieving is necessary as it allows us to legitimize and move through the pain we experience. The aim is to release and free up blockage in the heart center. To heal, we have to feel. The heart Chakra is where we are invited to accept all parts of ourselves. When we do, we cultivate compassion, the primary component of true love.

The biggest lesson I've learned when it comes to the matters of my heart is that love can extend itself beyond the fantasy of romance. With proper nourishment, we can experience it as genuine care, kindness, acceptance, and empathy. We can take the time to offer it to ourselves by finding peace in all that we are, all that we've been through, and devote and nurture our multidimensional self. Our relationships can then mirror the work we've done and serve as a soft landing for our strengths and shortcomings.

Sometime today, go over your fairytale romance characteristics and take some time to notice if the source of the love you seek begins with you. Are you offering yourself the care you look for from others? Are you giving yourself time, encouragement, and intimacy? If not, what can you do to begin the journey to love?

Tonight’s affirmation: I promise to provide myself with the love and care I seek from others.

May you always know love.

Yours in truth and wellness,

Sihnuu Hetep